lemonade and actors
I was just driving through the flats of Beverly Hills, and saw two little boys on a corner waving signs. Kinda unusual for the neighborhood, so I took a look... LEMONADE!! They pointed me left, and cheered when I turned. I pulled up in front of a big white mansion, waited my turn behind a Range Rover and a Bentley convertible, and bought some lemonade. I'm not so good at guessing ages, but I'd say the two at the table were probably 4 and 6. They had ENORMOUS smiles on their faces, and were so excited to have so many customers. I looked past the gates of the house and saw mom and dad sitting there watching. I asked what they were earning money for, and the older one said they want to buy Legos. Hahaha!
In addition to it being ridiculously adorable, I LOVE the fact that the parents made them earn money to buy the toys they want. Also, I love the fact that people were stopping to buy it. Even I, who love LA, would assume that the people driving through that neighborhood would be assholes. But they did a lot of business! I gave them $5 and told them to keep the change, just to see them smile bigger. Too cute!
Also, have you heard about the gay Emmy winning director who told people at Outfest (the GLBT film festival in LA) that actors should stay in the closet? People seem to be all up in arms about it, but I'm not sure why. Ideally, yes, all actors could come out and it wouldn't harm their careers. But as far as I know, he wasn't asked what he WANTS the world to be like. He was asked for advice about an industry he works in, and that was his honest answer. It would have been intellectually dishonest to lie. And if he's correct, it would have been damaging to the careers of whatever actors took his advice to come out.
Yes, I know, somebody has to go first. Nobody will come out until everybody else is out. But nobody will come out until middle America will accept a gay actor. But middle America won't accept a gay actor until they see more of them. Catch-22. It's the same problem in professional sports.
You all know I'm a huge proponent of coming out, so don't get me wrong. I think it's healthier to live an honest life, and that ultimately what you lose by coming out will be compensated for. However, I also believe there is a time and a place. Many of you have told me stories about your situations and my advice has been NOT to come out, at least not yet.
It's easy for bloggers and gay rights leaders to say this guy shouldn't have said that, and that actors should feel free to come out, and that it won't harm them. But those people are speaking in the abstract, they're speaking against evidence to the contrary, and they're sending those actors up as sacrificial lambs for "the cause." Essentially asking them to take one for the team. That's all well and good, and part of me thinks that too. The blogger, anti-Prop 8 activist part of me.
But then I think of my friends. REAL people struggling with this question. For them it's not abstract; their careers hang in the balance. They have been living their lives completely out, but have now started to have real success in film and music. At their age, the target demographic is teenage girls, and what they're selling is an image. So they have to decide whether to be out in the media too.
To be clear, it's not like they're contemplating going fully back into the closet. I would NEVER advise a friend to do that, career be damned. And I don't think that's what the director was suggesting. My friends have boyfriends, and will freely tell anybody who asks that they're gay. The cast and crew of their projects all know. Their friends all know. They go out to gay bars. The issue is whether to correct the Cosmo/GQ/Maxim/Vanity Fair/Rolling Stone reporter who asks what you're looking for in a girl. The issue is whether to introduce your boyfriend to reporters on the red carpet and hold his hand, or introduce him as your friend/publicist/stylist and let him stand back while you're interviewed.
When I talk about it with these friends (and with their boyfriends who are asked to stand back on the red carpet...and I have personally been that guy who was asked to stand back during interviews), I agree with the director. If they can live their lives fully and freely, but also remain a heartthrob for teenage girls in middle America, I don't see why not. I wish more people would take one for the team like Adam Lambert. But in my role as friend and adviser, my loyalty lies with my friends, not with "the team." I don't LIKE what the director said, but I think he's correct. We all need to work to change that. But I'm not willing to advise my friends to sacrifice themselves, so I need to find another way.
In addition to it being ridiculously adorable, I LOVE the fact that the parents made them earn money to buy the toys they want. Also, I love the fact that people were stopping to buy it. Even I, who love LA, would assume that the people driving through that neighborhood would be assholes. But they did a lot of business! I gave them $5 and told them to keep the change, just to see them smile bigger. Too cute!
Also, have you heard about the gay Emmy winning director who told people at Outfest (the GLBT film festival in LA) that actors should stay in the closet? People seem to be all up in arms about it, but I'm not sure why. Ideally, yes, all actors could come out and it wouldn't harm their careers. But as far as I know, he wasn't asked what he WANTS the world to be like. He was asked for advice about an industry he works in, and that was his honest answer. It would have been intellectually dishonest to lie. And if he's correct, it would have been damaging to the careers of whatever actors took his advice to come out.
Yes, I know, somebody has to go first. Nobody will come out until everybody else is out. But nobody will come out until middle America will accept a gay actor. But middle America won't accept a gay actor until they see more of them. Catch-22. It's the same problem in professional sports.
You all know I'm a huge proponent of coming out, so don't get me wrong. I think it's healthier to live an honest life, and that ultimately what you lose by coming out will be compensated for. However, I also believe there is a time and a place. Many of you have told me stories about your situations and my advice has been NOT to come out, at least not yet.
It's easy for bloggers and gay rights leaders to say this guy shouldn't have said that, and that actors should feel free to come out, and that it won't harm them. But those people are speaking in the abstract, they're speaking against evidence to the contrary, and they're sending those actors up as sacrificial lambs for "the cause." Essentially asking them to take one for the team. That's all well and good, and part of me thinks that too. The blogger, anti-Prop 8 activist part of me.
But then I think of my friends. REAL people struggling with this question. For them it's not abstract; their careers hang in the balance. They have been living their lives completely out, but have now started to have real success in film and music. At their age, the target demographic is teenage girls, and what they're selling is an image. So they have to decide whether to be out in the media too.
To be clear, it's not like they're contemplating going fully back into the closet. I would NEVER advise a friend to do that, career be damned. And I don't think that's what the director was suggesting. My friends have boyfriends, and will freely tell anybody who asks that they're gay. The cast and crew of their projects all know. Their friends all know. They go out to gay bars. The issue is whether to correct the Cosmo/GQ/Maxim/Vanity Fair/Rolling Stone reporter who asks what you're looking for in a girl. The issue is whether to introduce your boyfriend to reporters on the red carpet and hold his hand, or introduce him as your friend/publicist/stylist and let him stand back while you're interviewed.
When I talk about it with these friends (and with their boyfriends who are asked to stand back on the red carpet...and I have personally been that guy who was asked to stand back during interviews), I agree with the director. If they can live their lives fully and freely, but also remain a heartthrob for teenage girls in middle America, I don't see why not. I wish more people would take one for the team like Adam Lambert. But in my role as friend and adviser, my loyalty lies with my friends, not with "the team." I don't LIKE what the director said, but I think he's correct. We all need to work to change that. But I'm not willing to advise my friends to sacrifice themselves, so I need to find another way.
posted by Matt at 8:03 PM
10 Comments:
It seems with the intrusiveness of today's paparazzi and media, closeted actors would be outed if others in Hollywood know they are gay?
People are intrinsically selfish. I say do what is best for you and your individual situation. Wholeheartedly agree, Matt.
It should be up to the individual if they come out. Some people cannot handle the stress it creates.
I also think it is part generational I have an older friend who works in a gay friendly place and he still is afraid to be spoted in a gay bar.
Onanite
You're right, Matt, and your comment applies to more than just the teen girl demo. Would George Clooney be a superstar if he came out? Not likely.
There's a world we live in and a world we wish it to be, and since we all live in this world, it is more proper for them to stay in the closet, at least for their careers.
Life not in the public eye is another matter...
FMS
I, too, agree whole-heartedly. However, I think this extends to other professions, as well. As an educator, I am only out to my closest friends in my town. It seems that every time I leave the house I see one of my current students, a former student, or a parent of a student. I am constantly portaying this image for the world to see. I cannot be seen as the "gay teacher." Living the in Bible Belt of the Southeastern US, my fear is that parents will begin pulling their kids from my classes because I happen to also be gay. I choose to leave that part of my life at home. When I do go out and date guys, we have to be careful about where we go and when. We typically go outside of our city where it is much less likely I will see someone I know or knows me.
So, I sympathize with the actors, musicians, etc that are in the public eye. You are 100% correct, they are selling their image. Until we are able to change the perceptions of all areas of this country (not just middle America), there will still be fear of being discovered. In an utopian society it would not matter, but we are far from utopia.
The guy is right sadly... Now the TR Knight has left Grey's let us all monitor where his career goes shall we
This is all very sad indeed: Why can a girl not be a fan of a moviestar or popstar when he's gay? Have we not moved ahead at all in the past 2 decades?
It's not that she's likely to marry the guy anyway?
When Freddy Mercury was on stage he was a superstar for millions of gay and straight fans. Do we homos only watch homosexual movies, or listen to gay song? Of course not!
This 'better be safe then sorry' strategy is all so counter-productive; as Matt said here before: if nobody knows the gay people in their midst, its so much more likely they will be portrayed as freaks, not entitled to equal rights and another round of prop 8 may turn out the same way as the previous !
Matt,
I believe the question touches on two different issues.
One is the problem of a homophobic and/or perceived homophobic society, which will certainly only change slowly and over time. However, I feel that, especially in Europe, but also among liberals in the US, the American society is incorrectly perceived as outright reactionary, whereas it is actually far more progressive than we like to admit.
So, celebrities being outspoken about their sexual orientation would not only be "taking one for the team", but also "testing the waters". Depending on the person, I don't think their sexuality makes much of a difference. Think of Roland Emmerich, whom you mentioned recently - he seems to be doing reasonably well, and while I personally don't like his films, I can assure you this has nothing to do with his being gay (unless you argue that his films are an expression of his personality, which would of course include his sexuality - and indeed, I find some of his films rather plump and boringly straightforward, which might be a reaction to the "shrill" gay subculture). But I certainly think no less of him than of any other, straight, mediocre director.
However, there is another reason for the public not exactly embracing artists coming out of the closet, and this is entirely to blame on the artists themselves. My impression is that the success of quite a few "teen stars" is exclusively based on their carefully crafted image of, as you put it, "teenage heartthrob", and not on artistic merit. George Clooney might fall into the same category.
Now, if all the suggestive lyrics, poses, flirtative behaviour towards teenage girl fans and comments ("What I like in a girl...") turn out to have be faked, the public's disapproving reaction to the revelation that XY is gay has nothing at all to do with homophobia, but with a shocking lack of authenticity. They have every right to feel betrayed by someone who wanted to have the cake and eat it too. How would you feel if someone started flirting with you, made you muster up your courage to take the first step, only to tell you he is not interested?
Of course, some will argue that it this lack of authenticity is a forced adaptation to the heteronormative society, but no one is forced to portray himself as the icon of heterosexuality when he is not. If some artists chose to do so (or intentionally leave their fans in the belief they are single, when they are not), they are plain liars. I won't accept anyone blaming this on society, except in that society is ultimately responsible for producing this shallow type of liar/artist, and the fans to follow them. If the success of one of my friends was based on lying about himself, I would see it as my duty to tell him that what he does is ethically wrong, and I would expect it to be ultimately unsatisfying, because it involves self-denial. Of course, I'd run the risk of losing a friend, but I don't need any more good-weather friends (they can be fun, but they're fairly easy to replace). Note that this reasoning only applies if the heterosexual "image" is of any relevance to the persons's profession.
have a nice day.
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